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It's Not A Contract...It's More Like A Valentine!

...The rantings of a mod-punk-hippie-sailor...

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Wasn't it Issac Newton who said, life is like a train?...NO, he said, life is like an apple...isn't it just? well...hi! um...this is my lj, so obviously you've taken a wrong turn somewhere and have landed on the tundra, but not the tapioca tundra, because that's an entirely different bio right there...but if you are here to see emily...jonas...weird hippie lady...you're still in the wrong place, and would best be served visiting her at the asylum. tuesdays are free pass days! OMH! adams used to call george washington mutton head...and john adams was apparently some sort of good looking chap back in the day...but i'm sure all those looks have rotted away...damn...anyhugh...

And now, a song for the sensitive...

~~God is like a shamrock. Small, green, and split three ways.~~

~~Your doing John Lennon!?...Wow, that would be rather uncomfortable.~~

~~I Like Traffic Lights.~~


~~Tommy, why are you leaning against the door? Don't you know they open?~~

~~Why I do believe Mr. Adams your mustache is running down your face.~~

~~Ghetto Ben Franklin.~~

~~Life's a bitch and then you die...oh fuck it, lets all get high.~~

~~The only thing worse than playing squash together is playing it by yourself...I wish I hadn't said that.~~

~~Life is far too serious a thing ever to be talked seriously about.~~

~~If life hands you lemons, throw them at someone.~~



~~We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.~~



~~Sometimes you feel like a nut...and sometimes you are.~~

~~Pumpkin Deamon Princess!~~


~~Premium Cupcake!~~

~~So I says to Mable I says, 'Why did you let yourself get processed into cheese?' and she says, 'I don't know!'~~

~~That's Crazy!~~

~~Friends don't let friends "AAAHHH" seperate-Lee!~~

~~John Cullum NAKED!~~

~~No Peter...~~

~~Ooopsie, my bad.~~

~~John Adams used to get so upset he threw his wig at people.--Do you suppose that's where they got the expression 'wig out'?~~

~~What-Ho! Where did you get that hat?~~

~~Hell's Tits!~~

~~If you want the truth I'll tell you the truth, because it is the truth. I have had tea, lots of tea, Indian tea...and biscuits.~~

~~What a silly bunt.~~

~~Woman is the nigger of the world...yes she is, think about it.~~

~~I don't like spam!~~

~~His name is Cullum-alot, he wears tight pants alot, in 17-6 alot, you know you do...I do...so when we go to prom you're gonna get ur freak on, and Emily will be waiting at the zoo...HUH!...What, you're still here?--Ah!--Ha ha, that's funny-Lee!--Ah!~~


~~Don't be the bunny...Don't be the shoe...~~

~~Jenna, get your hands off my zipper!~~


~~My hovercraft is full of eels.~~

~~Cheese Gromit!~~

~~Always look on the bright side of death...*whistle*...~~

~~Shut up or I'll have you paved.~~

~~Hand plus...muppet?~~

~~And Terry Jones on Toast!~~


~~Isn't awfully nice to have a penis?~~

~~A dream that we dream alone is only a dream. A dream we dream together is a reality.~~

~~I'm not going to say anything because nobody believes me when I do.~~

~~I'll get in the back, then.~~

~~If everybody demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.~~

~~Cheese is the devil's plaything.~~

~~Captain, Captain...NICE.~~

~~Sargent Salt's Loved Pancreas Club Sandwich~~

~~Willis Otis Foo'Adams~~

~~I got shoe so foo' on you, boo!~~

~~Enter Benjamin Franklin.~~

~~With a trombone hooter like yours it'd be unnatural if you didn't.~~

~~Welch's Strawberry Soda.~~

~~Yo tengo un pollo en mis pantalones.~~

~~Only Paul knows we're here...I know we're here...~~


~~We speak German in the Spanish room, where we learn French.~~

~~CHELSEA IS GOD!!! SHE IS THE ALPHA AND THE OMEGA!!! ALL HAIL CHELSEA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!~~

~~Pan Feeney!~~

~~Fuck you, now please pass me the cheese.~~

~~Rule of thumb: Eat me.~~

~~I am Heinz 57 on Polish Sausage!~~

~~The Bee's Knees Ivankavan Donald T. Rump!~~

~~No, Shelly, No!~~

~~So a rutabega and hotplate walk into a bar and there they slip Palin cyinide. He dies. The end.~~

~~You should be a hero to yourself. And if you're not... check it out.~~

~~Where was I?--Your butt was hurtin'.~~

~~Alaska's just not a state, but a state of mind. *insert cheesy grin*~~

~~*John Cullum Flipping Off Camera*~~

~~I'm not just a just!~~

~~But she's got my money!~~

~~It's raining Tang!~~

~~You see, we were out in the woods where Holling used to take us, and all we found were empty beer cans and a couple of used condoms.--Chelsea!~~

~~...Wow that was a great movie.~~

~~Sybil Vane is dead. *BUM*~~


~~Tumors happen!~~

~~Where's that hamburger?--Moo!~~

~~Why's he smearing ketchup all over Shelly's ass?~~

~~They are dancing cheek to cheek as we speak.~~

~~As if we would let a silly little thing as a marriage vow come between us.~~

~~Shelly, please, I am a man with his head on the bar!~~

~~And Holling suffers a not-so-fatal neck injury. *Holling's neck screws up*~~


~~So that's what that thing on your back is!~~

~~Well hi!~~

~~Sure is big.~~

~~I knew somethin' was up by the way they played bridge.~~

~~This is way too weird for my tastebuds.~~

~~Your delivery John is...--You like that?~~

~~I'm always getting winked at these days...used to be you, didn't it Paul?~~

~~I've got a hole in me pocket.~~

~~I'll take a tall latte.~~

~~If you live in a glass house, there are no bricks to throw.~~

~~A little from column "a", a little from column "b", and a whole lot from column sexy!~~

~~It's your nose you know. Fans are funny that way.~~

~~But it's been 200 years Edward!...I know, I know, and I promised I'd marry you every 50 of them...~~

~~Not another premium turk-aay...~~

~~That sucks, worse than wilson, on a bad day, because on a bad day you can't see forever, because it is cloudy, because it is snowing...[insert french here]~~

~~Rutledge's and Vincour's have been fucking for centuries!~~

~~Vaginal this and vaginal that...I tell you, I don't think a man has any business being in there.~~

~~I've got a navy blue tie if you're interested. I'm going red.~~

~~Someday if you're lucky my son will operate on you.~~

~~I'm going to save you.~~

~~Facts are stubborn things; and whatever may be our wishes, our inclinations, or the dictates of our passions, they cannot alter the state of facts and evidence.~~

~~I'm one of those regular weird people.~~

I feel the need - the need for Emily!

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